The space between
by poetrydiary
I – Without hope
There is a space between us.
I am a man, you a woman.
Your soul is built for diff’rent goals.
There is a space between us.
There is a space between us.
I am earth, you are air and breeze.
You glide above my planted feet.
There is a space between us.
There is a space between us.
My dreams to your reality;
you pin them, like dead butterflies.
There is a space between us.
There is a space between us.
My feelings to your common sense;
old cages trap new emotions.
There is a space between us.
There is a space between us.
I write poetry, you write prose.
Translating it ain’t easy.
There is a space between us.
Space without hope.
II – If only
There is a space between us.
I am a man, you a woman.
Open hearts might meet: if only,
there were no space between us.
There is a space between us.
I am earth, you are air and breeze.
We touch on hilltops: if only,
there were no space between us.
There is a space between us.
My dreams to your reality;
close your wide eyes now: if only
there were no space between us.
There is a space between us.
Relax, such tensions cannot hold;
contradictions fall, rise with me –
unmake the space between us.
—————-
This poem is in response to wewritepoems prompt 51, pairings, and stimulated by a line from DH Lawrence, Women in Love, which I was reading in the bath yesterday (“There is a space between us”). His one line is more expressive, in its context – Gudrun and Gerald in a boat, falling in love – than my entire poem, I feel.
Well, he is, after all, D. H. Lawrence. But you have done well. The repetition works and I like the part 2 coming round to close the space. You express the opposites in the first part with analogies that work so well, you are able to not explain. Again, very readable aloud.
Thanks Margo. I do my best. It’s quite fun creating this kind of rigid structure for myself that I have to fit within, every so often.
…well written poem, beautiful and moving words, great work.
I especially liked this one! Space between us…I write poetry, she writes prose. Good comparison.
I love the differences between you and her that you illustrated through your words. You painted a sad but beautiful imagery of your relationship that is characterized by a seemingly unbridgeable gap.
Well done. 🙂
Katherine
Thanks Katherine – I was trying to be optimistic at the end too!
I believe your final resolution of “unmake the space between us,” stands nearly as strong a pleading for love as the contrasted line of D.H. Lawrence.
I enjoyed reading your work.
I think I would work just as well if you changed the refrain to ‘There is no space between us’ – such is the nature of relationships 🙂
A rather nice pairing.
Thanks Tilly – I kind of get there in the end, don’t I?!
Interesting structure. The repetition speaks of the rigidity of relationship, then followed by the transition to a different locution that challenges that rigidity. Also the narrator seems to collapse masculine and feminine qualities which suggests the content seems to challenge the rigid stereotypes.
It’s interesting that you read D H Lawrence in the bath yesterday.
Some authors work best in the bath, I find! It wasn’t a cold one on this occasion or the poem might have been different (obviously cold baths can be required for some of Lawrence’s other work..).
Many thanks for your thoughtful feedback.
I enjoyed reading this poem. You did a wonderful and masterful use of repetitive line without boring the reader and you capture human emotion superbly.
Regards,
Don
Thanks for sharing this poem Matthew. It is of course an essential dynamic you invoke. And isn’t it perhaps in that gap where the sparks get expressed, where breath wants to be, and in that moment of distance AND approach. Thanks for this horizon to see.