Corfe Castle, Dorset
by poetrydiary
Long, dark breaths surround you,
Desecrated, ruined towers.
You came with horses and men;
bent on violence, rape and war.
Drawn in by gentle slopes:
rich rolling curves and soft warm shoulders;
dew-fresh earth, dark and moist;
surf pounding, driving underneath.
Walls built for domination;
erect and proud against the sky.
short-lived all, time caresses:
stones tumble, lie still where they fall.
Quiet hills whisper mists;
absorbing and dissolving strength.
Long, dark breaths surround you,
desecrated, ruined towers.
© Matthew Rhodes 2011
poetry diary 
Good example of how strong, active verbs can enhance poetry…or any writing, for that matter.
So, have you been to all these castles and fortresses? You speak with such knowledge that I can’t believe you may not have.
Suggestions to consider: switch men and horses in line 3. Try reversing the last two lines and see what you think. I like it both ways but the bookend effect is slightly different. And in line 12, you either need to have lay/fell or lie/fall.
Now off to your next poem, I go.
Thanks Margo – I have been to most of them, often more than once, but not necessarily this week (!). Corfe Castle is pretty unforgettable, as is Dunstanburgh (previous poem). I live near Kenilworth so see it daily, and castles in general have been a lifelong fascination, which you have encouraged me to express. I have been writing about specific memories of places that come to me (like Elizabeth Gilbert’s description of the creative process, in a small way, maybe?)
Many thanks for your very helpful suggestions. I’ve taken two on board instantly (no idea how I ended up with lay/fall!) and will sleep on the line reversal at the end.
Your castles have become a visit list. If I ever get a chance I’ll visit some, your poems in hand.